It’s not just gas (by Lunga)

(Rose says, “I don’t miss renal constipation.”)

My community still can’t take a releasing of air in public, even if it would mean you were to die if you did not let off that gas. So my little cousin whom we know is full of mischief let off some from behind a few times in the lounge when the whole family was seating enjoying a conversation. You should have seen the reaction on everybody’s face, as if she had said the name Jesus as a curse word. My cousin Minenhle laughed as usual since he is a guy who takes everything lightly, but no, my granny asked that I fetch her stick and someone was to be beaten. So you can now imagine what would have happened if my little cousin had done the same and there was grandpa instead or the worst scenario, both.

 

I won’t lie, I don’t like a fart either, but I find nothing wrong with a non-smelly let-off of air now and then because I know how it can be awful in the stomach. I hardly drink cold water nowadays because of how easy my stomach blocks. Sometimes I drink cold water and let off cold air. I know it sounds weird, but I do. I have to drink hot water first then my stomach growls and growls then suddenly it releases all that it does not want in the system.

 

The best way I can tell if I had good dialysis is by letting off air just after the session is done then it’s the same thing until the next morning. It’s sometimes smelly, but usually the opposite with my tummy smiling because guess what, it’s gonna deflate to its normal size.

 

I know rich black men pride themselves in their big bellies, but I am not rich, am I? So please let me let off some gas in peace. I will walk away a little because I will feel embarrassed, but if please do not take no offence if I let off in a bus that is in motion. It’s natural and you should shut up if you have never dealt with a week of constipation whereby you are not able to piss, poop or fart.

 

I had to only look at the mouth-watering food visitors brought me when I was first admitted to hospital to get clogged up and my doctor tried everything to unblock the stomach without luck. I remember trying to push in the toilet that I could at least get a little something out only to get cut of breath instead. It was just past afternoon and the corridors of the wards were without a nurse to be seen. I dragged myself to the bed that breathless and went to crash on it. Still gasping for breath something said I should grab a bottle of water and drink a little. While trying to find my mouth I spilt the fluids onto my nose and that’s how I found breath again. Horrified as I was, the damn doctor still found it funny.